


Conjuritis

by Shergar



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: A lot of sneezing and some confused animals, Alec Lightwood has the patience of a saint, Crack, M/M, Magic behaving badly, Magical Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:27:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27519115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shergar/pseuds/Shergar
Summary: “Mind telling me what Conjuritis is? Magnus insists that warlocks can’t get sick.”“Oh, warlocks can certainly get sick. Conjuritis is like magical chickenpox...warlock children get it as they’re coming into their powers. Even Madzie’s had it. Seriously Magnus, how the hell have you not had it yet? Where did you even pick it up?”
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 26
Kudos: 147





	Conjuritis

**Author's Note:**

> A re-read of the Dresden Files had me want to do something with Conjuritis. So here you go.

It started simply enough that Alec didn’t even realize that it was happening at first. 

Magnus sneezed and Alec thought nothing of it. A single sneeze could be any number of things - dust, cat hair, magical overload...a single sneeze was definitely not any cause for alarm. 

But then one sneeze turned into two which quickly turned into ten. Magnus adamantly insisted that warlocks couldn’t get sick but Alec was beginning to believe that was a bald-faced lie as the symptoms showed no signs of letting up.

A few days after the sneezing started, Alec was cooking breakfast while Magnus was getting a potion started for a client who would be coming by later that day when a sneeze sounded through the loft followed by the sound of breaking glass. The bacon was forgotten as Alec rushed into Magnus’ apothecary to find the warlock staring at what looked to be an entire pot of coffee now shattered on the floor. 

“Magnus...my love. Why is there a pile of broken glass and steaming hot coffee on the floor?”

“I was thinking that I was exhausted and that I’d really like an entire pot of coffee to myself this morning and…” He waved his hand towards the mess on the floor. “I’m not sure what happened. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

Alec sighed, rubbing at his temples.  _ I’m sure it’s nothing. _ “I’m going to get a broom and a mop to clean this up and then I’m going to call Catarina. You’re going to cancel your appointments and then sit in the kitchen where I can keep an eye on you.”

“Alexander, that’s unnecessary. There’s no reason to bother Catarina for a little cold.”

“A little cold? So warlocks  _ can _ get sick now? Magnus, you’ve been sneezing for a week now and you just sneezed a coffee pot into midair which, coincidentally, proceeded to shatter on the floor and make a mess that I now have to clean up. You have officially lost your vote. I’m calling Catarina whether you like it or not.” Alec started to sweep the glass into the dustpan while Magnus shuffled dejectedly into the kitchen. 

Alec called Catarina from the apothecary, not wanting to give Magnus a chance to argue with him about the necessity of her visit. All he had to mention was sneezing and ‘coffee pot out of nowhere’ and she was portaled over without hesitation. 

Catarina took one good look at him and a grin broke out across her face. “You’ve got Conjuritis? Magnus, aren’t you a few centuries too old for that?  _ How _ have you not had it before?”

Magnus slid down further in the chair grumbling about an unusual upbringing and ‘how was he supposed to know’ as Alec rolled his eyes. “Mind telling me what Conjuritis is? Magnus insists that warlocks can’t get sick.”

“Oh, warlocks can certainly get sick. Conjuritis is like magical chickenpox...warlock children get it as they’re coming into their powers. Even Madzie’s had it. Seriously Magnus, how the hell have you not had it yet? Where did you even pick it up?”

Magnus didn’t reply but another sneeze manifested a wool hat that he promptly put on his head and pulled over his eyes so he didn’t have to look at either of them. 

“Do we have anything to worry about, Catarina? Is it contagious?”

“The only thing you have to worry about is the random materializations which you’ve already witnessed. It should go away on its own after two weeks or so. Just make sure he stays inside and stays calm. He’ll sneeze whatever is on his mind into existence and the last thing you want is a cluster of spiders randomly appearing. Trust me on this one, you do not want to deal with hundreds of spiders.”

She shuddered and Alec shot Magnus a glare. “You sneeze a cluster of spiders into existence in the loft and I’m divorcing you.”

“Please, why would I even be thinking about spiders?” Magnus muttered, another sneeze already tingling his nose. 

“Think of something else, Magnus. I am  _ not _ dealing with spiders.”

He couldn’t hold back the sneeze any longer and an umbrella clattered loudly to the floor. “Funny. Real funny.” Alec replied with narrowed eyes, knowing exactly why that had popped up. “Are you sure there’s nothing we can do, Cat? And that he doesn’t risk getting anyone else sick?”

“Unfortunately, you’ll have to let it run its course. It’s a one and done sort of thing. The only ones at risk of exposure are warlocks and most adults have already had it in their youth. Fortunately, once you get it once you’ll never get it again. The random manifestations only last two weeks, Alec. I’m sure you can manage to make it through two magically chaotic weeks. You’ve fought worse wars.”

Alec sighed, “You’re right. Thank you for coming on such short notice.”

“Let me know if anything changes,” She replied, leaning in closer to Alec. “And take plenty of pictures. You can hold this over his head for years.”

Alec laughed as she stepped back through a portal. “Magical chickenpox. Well, that’s a new one.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Alexander. I’ll be fine.”

“Oh, it’s not you that I’m worried about...it’s the loft and Chairman, and my sanity that I’m worried about.”

Magnus picked the umbrella up off the floor and vanished it to the coat closet by the front door. “I suppose I better cancel my appointments for the foreseeable future. I wouldn’t want anyone to think their High Warlock was incompetent.”

A burning smell wafted through the air and Alec swore, turning back to the bacon that he’d left sizzling on the stove that was now burnt to a crisp. Magnus sneeze again and a new pack of bacon dropped into his hands. “Well, that’s convenient,” he said with a laugh, placing it on the counter next to his husband. “Maybe these next two weeks won’t be utterly miserable.”

\----------

The next two weeks were pretty miserable. Magnus had sneezed  _ many _ things into existence in the first week- flowers, a three-tiered wedding cake, a rare book Alec was sure had been in a museum somewhere, and, on one memorable instance, three Amazon Milk Frogs...one of which was still lost somewhere in the loft. 

“If this is something children typically get,” Alec started while they were laying in bed about a week into Magnus’ Conjuritis, ”Why are you just now getting it?” 

Magnus sighed and rolled over so he could face his husband, propping his head up on his hand as he did. “You’re most at risk of getting right as your powers start to ramp up. You’ll show some early signs of your powers and then as they...sort of shift into third gear, that’s when most warlock children get Conjuritis...and you typically get it from other children.”

“My upbringing was pretty untraditional...between my father and the Silent Brothers, I wasn’t really involved in the warlock community until I was older and Ragnor found me. And, well, can you imagine  _ Ragnor _ trying to deal with this? He wasn’t going to expose me like most parents do so I just… never got it. I never really assumed it would be a problem. I made it this far in life without getting it, after all.”

Alec rubbed his thumb over Magnus’ other hand before chuckling. “You know Catarina is going to tell Ragnor, right?”

Magnus snorted, “Oh, I’m entirely certain she already has. I’ve just chosen to pretend I haven’t received any sort of messages from either of them via phone or fire message since this whole thing started.”

Alec only felt about 20% guilty that he’d been texting Catarina pictures of the mayhem all week. He was certain she was keeping a list at this point and that it would most definitely come up the next time the three of them got together for drinks. He was sure he’d pay for it later but the look on Magnus’ face when his friend’s started on him would be worth whatever followed.

“Well, we’ve made it a week. You haven’t burnt the loft to the ground and no spiders have swarmed the place. I guess I’ll keep you...but you need to find the frog. He’s keeping me up at night and I’m not sure where he’s found to bunker down, but wherever it is can’t be good for him.”

The next day Alec found out he had spoken much too soon as Magnus sneezed about a dozen Rose Hair Tarantulas onto the table in the kitchen, causing Alec to scream and scramble onto the counter. “Nope! Absolutely not! Magnus, get rid of them! What did I say about the spiders? WHY WERE YOU THINKING ABOUT TWELVE GIANT SPIDERS?”

The warlock sniffled and watched them amble about the table as he flipped open the book he’d been reading and pointed to the page that mentioned spider silk. “I uh, forgot? I was trying to do some research...how could I know I was going to sneeze right then?”

“Get rid of them,” Alec nearly growled as he crawled delicately off the kitchen counter and backed towards the front door, keeping the spiders in his line of sight. “I am going to the Institute where there are no giant spiders on my table and I want all twelve of them gone by the time I get back. And the frog. It’s time for the frog to go too. Remember, we’re supposed to have company for dinner tonight. The last thing we need is this place looking like a zoo.”

“Yes, yes, I’ll take care of it. Go enjoy your day, Mr. Big Bad Shadowhunter. The spiders will be gone by the time you get back.”

By the time Alec shuffled through the door later that evening with Izzy, Jace, and Clary in tow, exactly eleven of the spiders had been magically relocated to their natural territory. Alec’s eyes widened as Magnus advised him one of the little creatures was still on the loose. “I didn’t realize that they could move that fast...but I mean, at least the frog has a meal now, right? Silver linings, as they say.”

“How...am I supposed to sleep...with a giant, hairy spider that moves  _ faster than you thought _ running rampant somewhere in the loft?” Alec muttered, wondering if it would be rude to leave his own dinner party and find a place with a lot few arachnids until the situation was completely and totally handled. 

“Relax, Alec. I’m sure it will be fine. The thing is probably hiding. You look like a giant predator to it. Let’s just eat and we can help you look for the spider and the frog after dinner if you want.” Jace replied with a laugh, slapping him on the back. Alec grumbled as he followed his siblings into the kitchen. “You’re the head of the New York Institute and it’s just a little spider, Alec. Honestly, how bad can it be?”

Dinner went off, by some miracle, without a hitch...save for the addition of a Baked Alaska which seemed to go over well with the table. Alec still wasn’t sure exactly where Magnus’ mind had been when he’d brought that thing into existence considering he’d learned from the cooking shows that they had been watching that those were popular in the seventies. They moved to the living room and relaxed, the conversation drifting from topic to topic naturally.

“Ragnor and I were at a pub in Ireland one time about twenty years ago when a guy brought in a duck wearing a bow tie. I’ve seen plenty of dogs in bars, even a cat or two but that was honestly the first time I’ve seen someone bring a duck. The little bowtie he had on even matched his owner’s. It was one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen,” Magnus said as the conversation turned to animals in places they shouldn’t be after Isabelle had mentioned reading that someone had apparently brought their chicken on the subway earlier in the week.

“Hopefully, it’s the last time you’ll ever see that...bloodthirsty little beasts,” Jace muttered, taking a swig of the beer in front of him. “If I never see a duck again, I’ll be the happiest man in the world.”

Magnus opened his mouth to reply but felt a tingle across his nose instead. He scrambled to think of something else, ice cream cones, kittens, a very nice new pair of shoes, but his brain was stuck on the duck from the pub and when he sneezed, he wasn’t surprised to find a white duck with a little plaid bowtie and a straw hat standing in front of him. The creature took a few hesitant steps forward and let out a confused little quack.

Jace let out a rather undignified squeal as he dove over the back of the couch, pulling out a knife in the process. Magnus at least had the sense to look slightly ashamed but Alec nearly fell off his chair laughing. “It’s just a little duck, Jace. How bad can it be? Look, it even has a little hat and a bow tie on.”

“Magnus, what the hell?” Jace growled as Clary, made a grab for the duck. “Do you know that ducks have  _ teeth _ ? It’s one thing to accidentally sneeze a frog into the loft but ducks are full of rage and hatred and unimaginable death.” 

The duck let out another quack as Clary picked him up and straightened his hat. “I’m not sure this one is going to eat you in your sleep, Jace, but we should probably send him back to whatever magic show or petting zoo he came from. I’m not sure Alec is ready for another pet given the loft’s recent additions.”

Magnus waved his hand and the duck vanished. Alec narrowed his eyes as Jace slowly made his way back around the couch. “Oh, so you can get rid of the obviously not man-eating duck for Jace, but you can’t manage to get rid of the very loud frog and the extremely large spider for your very patient and very loving husband?”

“I don’t know where they are, darling. As soon as we find them, they too can disappear from whence they came.”

The next week passed, thankfully, with only one live animal. The very dazed llama was a lot harder to lose in the loft and was quickly sent back on his way. Chairman Meow managed to find the frog two days after the dinner party and he was saved from being a kitty mid-day snack and returned to the forest he had come from. Alec never saw the spider, but Magnus assured him he’d found the thing in his apothecary and made sure he was far, far away from the loft. 

That Saturday night they were drifting to sleep when Alec’s eyes shot open and he turned to face Magnus. 

“What is it, Alexander?”

“You haven’t sneezed all day today. No animals, no random snacks, no returning expensive merchandise… it’s been quiet.”

Magnus furrowed his brow and replayed the day’s events over in his head. “I believe you’re right. It seems I might be over the Conjuritis... _ finally.” _

Alec laughed and kissed him on the nose. “Thank the Angel, I’m not sure how more I could take. You were bad enough, I can’t imagine being a parent...imagine what a child comes up with.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I expected this to be but I'm not sorry at all.


End file.
